I'M NOT A PRETTY CRIER

Good morning, friends.  Can I be real with you?  I mean, I'm always real with you, but there is usually a topic involved.  A recipe, a treatment, a spiritual practice, etc.  Today, I just need to be. A lot of the time the material posted by bloggers is happy.  Everything is photographed in an eye catching manner, our IG profiles have fun photos, and the way we write is in a perky, positive manner.  Now, speaking for myself only, my life is really great.  98% of the time I am happy.  My life is fun, and I am genuinely a really positive person.

But today, not so much.   winnie the pooh

This past weekend I attended and was of service at not one, but two memorial services.  Both services were beautiful, heart centered, and completely honored the lives of each person.  I feel proud to have known each of them, and even more so, glad to have developed rich, meaningful relationships with them.  However, if I'm being completely honest, I had no idea I would be so emotionally vulnerable.  I have not shed that many tears, and felt such heart-wrenching emotion in quite some time.

My vulnerability was obvious.  A friend came up to me after the second service once I stopped crying (for like 2 seconds) and said, "Are you okay?"  (she was being sincere, and meant it on a physical level of getting me water or a tissue).  My response was, "Yes, I'll be okay.  I'm not a pretty crier."  This made her, and myself laugh.  Seriously though, I'm envious of those people that can cry, and then once done, look like nothing happened.  Me?  Not so much.  I look like I've been watching Beaches and chopping onions simultaneously for 12 hours.

friefMourning is something that is so different for people.  Whether it is a loss of a person or animal through death, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even the loss of a physical possession that was beloved.  Loss can be difficult, and it often comes with a strong emotional response.  People grieve in unique ways, but the common ground is almost always love.  For the hardest part of loving, is letting go.

Part of my mission here on The HHB is balance.  Balance for the mind, body, and spirit.  Part of balance is surrendering to the unknown, and letting things unfold.  As humans, our ego always wants an answer; an explanation.  But sometimes, there is no clear-cut answer.  Sometimes life is messy, and confusing, and painful.  And, that's okay too.  I'm not a minister or a psychiatrist, but I am someone that has dealt with much loss, specifically in the form of death.  And while yes, death isn't all sunshine and roses, it is beautiful.  For transformation, and surrendering to the unknown is divine.

kubler-ross quoteWhen I was going through my Spiritual Practitioner training, death and loss was something that we studied and spoke about frequently.  I read many books on the topic, and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was was one my favorites.  I love the quote above because it touches me in such an honest way.  Of course I don't want to be the same, for if I was, I wouldn't have felt love so deeply.

Thanks for reading, and letting me share my heart.

xo.  Jen